Relationship anxiety comes down to disagreements within the relationship led by the ego mind. This ego mind is very much selfish, focused on the extremes of everything, and is threatened by the littles things. In this post I want to target the anxiety sufferers perspective when it comes to the disconnected we see today in relationships.
Ending Relationship Anxiety Begins With You.
In the course in miracles there’s a term known as ‘special relationship.’ This term refers to thinking of a relationship as the key to completing a person, or helping to solve their inner woes. When the outcome of that relationship isn’t the way the person intended it to be, the opportunistic subconscious mind then begins finding flaws in the relationship.
So much of relationship anxiety has to do with us rather than them.
Since it’s the filters in our brains that dictate how we perceive things. We distort, delete, generalize information coming from the opposing person to fit with our subconscious programs that were set from childhood.
With so much filtering out it becomes difficult to pinpoint the good in the opposing person. A step back is highly recommended when emotions become more intense. This step back would go against the biases set by the ego, and open the gateway to love.
Where there’s love there cannot be fear, and relationship anxiety is deeply rooted in fear.
Before getting into a relationship with someone the person must feel like they’re complete or at least moving in this direction. To be complete means to re-wire our own brains and not succumb to the wiring that was created when we were young.
It means to set your own life rules and dictate your own identity, rather than be led by what you were told you are and what you deserve.
If you’re currently in a relationship, that doesn’t mean you need to leave it. It just means you need to spend more time with yourself asking better questions. Questions such as:
- What is still unresolved from my past?
- Who do I still blame for my anxiety today?
- What structure for healing anxiety am I currently following that will eventually lead me to freedom?
- What level of guilt am I still carrying within me from breaking my parents rules from my childhood?
- How much repressed anger do I carry with me daily?
These are deep questions and they must be asked in order to end relationship anxiety.
Your significant other mustn’t be a ‘dumping ground’ for your suppressed emotions. This is important to understand, since what we think is the cause of our stress and anxiety rarely ever is.
Once again… What we think is the cause of our stress and anxiety rarely ever is.
I’d like you to tweak your mindset today, if you’re truly committed to healing your relationship anxiety. No one can fulfill, heal, or complete you. This must be done by you and only you. But let’s understand that one of the many subconscious programs we have running deep within our minds, bodies, and spirits is the fear of responsibility.
This core belief says ‘if I take something on, on my own, the result will just be the same as it always has been.’ Of course, we’re talking about failure here. Many anxiety warriors see themselves (consciously and unconsciously) as a failure. But let’s remind ourselves here that there’s no such thing as failure, there’s only feedback.
Feedback is the breakfast of champions.
If we can just look back at all those times we committed and the result didn’t meet our expectations as feedback, that would mean we’ve never failed. If we’ve never failed, we’re no longer a failure, but a curious student of life.
When we no longer see ourselves as failures we become much more resourceful.
The truth is that you have all the insights and tools within you to heal your relationship anxiety. You just have to begin opposing the voices and feelings led by the ego mind, and trust. Trust that you have more options in terms of how to perceive a situation.
If relationship anxiety is just a continuation of the self punishment programs running within, it’s time. Time to dig deeper as to who and where they came from in the hopes of reframing those situations.
Today onwards, spread love rather than hate. Spread understanding and compassion so that you can automatically find the perspective that fits with the identity you are becoming.